Scenario: You are expecting a child:
Imagine you can give your child one thing before they start life. What would this be?
Lots of Money
Fame
Unlimited Success
High Intelligence
Happiness
Talent in Music
Talent in Athletics
Resilience
Fun
Laughter
Prestige
Courage
Security
Relationship with God
If I had a quarter for every parent who told me they would want their child to be happy, I’d be rich. I hear this all the time in family therapy. I understand that it brings parents joy to see their child happy. It makes us happy to see them happy.
I also hear “ If I could only have more money to give them what they want.” Money, financial security, is something most parents desire for their children. Why is this so? I believe we want our children to be safe and secure. I wonder if parents think money provides this for them. But does it really? Do you know of people who have lots of money, but no joy in life? Have you met someone who may own a beach house, only to covet their neighbor’s home? I do. Money doesn't buy happiness, in fact, it’s joy is fleeting.
Isn’t it a much richer joyful feeling when you see your child/ teen/adult child have strength and courage when dealing with suffering in this world, or when your child/teen/adult child have the ability to make the most out of the beauty that life has to offer. Isn’t it even better to see your child see joy or beauty in the life they are given, even when situations are not particularly beautiful? The saying “ make lemonade out of lemons” What a great example of when you are given a sour situation, find sugar to add to make it more pleasurable.
An example of this would be:
Sour Moment : Your car breaks down, you need a tow.
Add Sugar : You decide to see what positive you have in this moment:
Sugar (Positives) :
You have an ability to talk with the tow truck driver. Maybe you are in this moment for a reason. Your words can be helpful to him.You may help someone else by being kind. You have a free moment to read that article you couldn’t when you were driving. You can send a friend an encouraging text. You can read your devotion today, that you missed. If your child is with you, you have a chance to teach your child how to be strong in strife and be positive in a negative moment.
Lemonade: You turned a negative moment into a purposeful one. You were given lemons, and you made lemonade. You experienced a positive emotion in a negative experience. Overcoming negativity creates positive changes in you !
Last, I have found that clients who believe in a higher power, have greater joy in life. This may be because it gives them a purpose in their lives. This purpose drives them, giving them courage and joy. Also, believing in God, helps them not feel that they are not alone in this world. They find their identity in God, which gives them the power to cancel out any negative believes their past ingrained in them. Believing in God, can create life transformations.
So I ask you again, if you could give your child one thing before they start life, what would it be? Are you doing things in your life to give this thing to them?
Natalie Teeters, MS, psychotherapist
Interested in learning more about this or starting counseling with Natalie Teeters, MS.
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